How did I not do this sooner? A public forum all about me… what I think, like, read, watch….I see magical potential.
Blogging, where have you been all my life !
As a result of spending too long mocking profiles on dating sites, I have grown tired of all the “Happy Happy Joy Joy” already out there. I’ve decided to forgo the typical introduction of “Hi, my name is Maggie and I like walks on the beach and the purr of a kitten”….and decided to do my inaugural post MY way, as usual. So, in no particular order, I don’t play favorites (that’s a total lie)….
“People I Don’t Like” aka “Reasons I’m Still Single”:
Non-Animal People: I don’t trust them and neither should you. Theres something wrong with them in a Jeffrey Dahmer sort of way.
The “I’m so Mature” Persona: Sometimes these can be a little hard to spot, I’ve devised a test. Throw into a conversation a comment about the last episode of a cartoon, like South Park or The Simpsons. These people will turn their snooty nose up at the idea of watching a cartoon. Or mention Radiohead. I don’t have time for these people.
Unhappily Married People: Easy to spot. They are the ones constantly telling me how pathetic I am for not being married, asking when I think I will be and dolling out bad relationship advice.
Overly Healthy Gurus: I eat well. I don’t smoke. I exercise - minimally. I get it, this is the only body I will ever have (that we know of…). But do not shame me for my love of french fries dipped in my chocolate shake !
Work-Aholics: Get over it. Your boss is not impressed, he’s just happy he can go home early because he knows you’ll do all the work. Prob’ly why he’s the boss.
Psuedo-Intellectuals: Actual intellectuals are usually open to conversation, new ideas and pursuing further knowledge. I’m referring to guys are the ones sure they know everything. Disagree with them and you’ll be on the receiving end of the “it’s okay, you can’t help you’re not smart enough to know better” eyebrow raise.
Importance-Obsessed: “The world may need my expertise at any moment…must not put down iphone and risk humanity !”
The Cutsie’s: It is not OK to use text lingo in conversation. If I am standing in front of you, there is not reason to say “LOL”. I can see you - yes you are laughing boisterously. Oh, and while you’re at it, your Hello Kitty wallet needs to go.
Idiots: This has nothing to do with education level; Idiots have Masters Degrees. Unlike Zombies, they do not always stand out in a crowd, though the behavior is similar. My working definition is “incapable of thinking for themselves or entertaining a new thought or idea”. For example, it may have been a good idea to vote Republican in 1860 when Abe Lincoln was on the ticket, but it is imperative one updates information every century or so. Try Google, it’s a good place to start.
Now that I have alienated half of the Blog World, I’d like conclude by saying to anyone I have not offended “Welcome to my corner of the universe”!